Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The 3rd child dilemma

To have a 3rd child, or not to have a 3rd child. That is the question. That is the same damn question we keep asking ourselves over and over but each time is a different answer-no! yes! hell no!!! maybe? definitely! Maybe soon? Maybe later? Should we? Are we crazy to want another one? Are we crazy to be questioning ourselves so damn much!!

We have one of each. We are one of those lucky families that get to experience the best of both worlds. I know how lucky I am. 

Two crazy kids

Life is getting, dare I say it....easier. Somewhat, anyway. 

Lila can talk and walk now so she no longer feels so frustrated and whines at me all.day.long like she used to. She is so cute, and clever, and funny, and caring, and thoughtful, very thoughtful. She loves cuddles and kisses and lying in bed with me in the mornings. She loves her brother and copies everything he does but at the same time she likes her space. She likes her independence and knows when she needs some alone time. 

Little Miss Lila
Marley has just turned 4 and man is he one clever, observant, funny little dude. He makes us laugh constantly with the things he says and does. He has his own sense of style-already.  He likes to get himself dressed in his favourite 'red jeans' or the cobalt blue pair, depending on his mood. and he loves to wear hats, thankfully. He is toilet trained and independent enough to watch cartoons by himself in the mornings if he gets up before me and Lila. He is starting kindy next week. And that makes me sad and proud and excited and worried all at the same time. 

Mr Marley in said 'red jeans'

We were only ever going to have 2 kids. That was what Paul wanted. I never had the magic number so I just went along with what he said. He wanted two kids before he was 30 and he wanted them close together. 

Me? Well I was always going to be a single, independent, fierce career woman living in a city in a renovated warehouse. I was going to have a child one day but it was going to be after studying, travelling, career'ing', marrying, living! 

But in real life, there I was,  23, newly married to my boyfriend of 7 years, on our romantic, luxurious tropical island honeymoon, dreading the return to work. We had discussed trying for a baby once we were married. It fit in to Paul's 'two kids before I'm 30 plan'. He had just turned 28 so mathematically, we didn't have long.  I hated my job and it seemed like a good idea to start 'trying' for our first baby. Which was of course going to take us about a year to fall pregnant....or maybe it was going to happen first go, on our honeymoon....

Marley was born in October 2008, roughly 9 months post-honeymoon....

I never understood the term 'love at first site' until I saw my beautiful boy for the first time. He was so perfect. It was unbelievable how perfect he was. And he was such a perfect baby. Happy all the time, fed well, slept well, just perfection. 

When Marley was around 16 months old, we decided to start trying for our second child. I was desperate for a girl. I did all the research and worked out my ovulation schedule to give us the best chance of having a girl. And it worked! Lila joined our little family in December 2010, 6 days before Christmas and 7 long, hot days past her due date. But she was an awful baby. I know you shouldn't say that about your own kids, but its true. She cried all the time, never wanted to sleep, was always fussy and wanting to be held. I went from living in a love bubble with my first baby to living some kind of hell with my second. I was sad, angry, pissed off and guilty all at the same time, all the time. My health suffered and our marriage suffered.

I knew I was 'done' once I had Lila.  I didn't feel like I could handle the two kids I had let alone even consider another child. I HAD to be done. 

But as time has passed, the memories of that awful first year with Lila have faded. And I feel that familiar, internal yearning starting again. That pang of envy whenever I see a new mother out with her precious little bundle. That tingly sensation when I hear a baby cry, or get to have newborn cuddles with a friends baby. 

Which brings us to our current predicament of to three, or not to three?

On the list of 'cons' of three children...

  • I have two hands. 
  • there are two parents
  • the big kids would have to share (and we have tried that already. it did not work)
  • three kids in the back seat of the car. Have you seen the ultra tune ad!?!?
  • Im not sure I want to put myself through pregnancy again? The morning sickness, the extreme tiredness, the weight gain, the stretch marks, the limitations.
  • holidays, school fees, christmas, birthdays...three kids is three times the expense
But the pro's
well they are obvious aren't they. 
  • a new BABY!! who doesn't love a new baby!
  • chubby legs, hands and feet to kiss and cuddle to my hearts content
  • the gift of a new sibling for Marley and Lila
  • someone else to love and cherish in our family
Clearly, when considering the pros and cons its really a case of head (cons) vs heart (pros)

Were sticking to our plan of making our final decision next May/June. After my 30th birthday.

It will either be baby or operation. 

Ill keep you posted.

Lisa xx

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